Having the American dream, but dreaming of something else...

First off I would like to say hello,

My name is Sara, I was born and raised in a smallish city. Every where you turn you could run into someone you went to school with, or knew from years past. It is a strange place, very large yet acts like a small town.
Let me tell you a little bit about my life. First off I'm a wife and mother of two. We own our own home and have two cars, all that is left is the dog and we would be looked at by everyone as the typical American stereotype. Right? Well here's the rub, I have been feeling lost in my life for years. We have been brought up to believe that when you grow up you are to gt married and have kids, well at least that is how I was brought up. I did everything I thought I was brought up to do. I met a wonderful man who I have been married to for nearly 7 years, and have 2 small kids. I'm currently a stay at home mom.
This is where things get a bit different. From the outside we look like a normal couple, however I'm the mixed up person in this group. I have been struggling with my life for years. When I was younger I was wild and free, like a wild horse running just to feel the breeze through my hair. I was full of fire and passion. I loved who I wanted I didn't care if they where a man or woman. Now I'm tame, loosing my fire and luster, feeling trapped alone, and feeling fully confused about my sexuality.
I'm on this journey of life motherhood and marriage, all the while wondering if I could have made some enormous mistake with my life. Should I have limited my self to one person the rest of my life? Motherhood has been wonderful I never look at that as a mistake, in fact if nothing else sometimes I feel like that is the reason I was to be married to a man so I could have my kids.
I don't know if anyone else has ever been through this, but I know that there are more and more married mothers that question their sexuality. I have to say I did have a relationship with a woman before my husband. It was complicated, but I have never felt that same connection with a man that I have felt with a woman. She and I are still friends, but there is always an underlining sexual tension between us. Sometimes I don't know if we will always be friends because there is always friction.
My husband knows of my struggles and now he wants me to find a girlfriend, but he is also concerned that I will leave him for a woman. So I am at an impasse. Do I look for a girlfriend with the possibility of loosing my marriage, or do I go down that forbidden path of possible completion? Or do take the path of selfishness and
have both? These are questions I hope to have answers for in the near future.

Thanks for listening whoever you are....

SaraBeth